From The Barn

Barn Blurbs 3/3/09: Wisconsin Hatefest Edition

Posted on 03. Mar, 2009 by JF in 2008-2009

Not that anyone needs a reason to hate the eastern neighbors, but here are just a few:

1. The Serial Killers
There must be something in the water that causes Wisconsinites to want to drink that water after devouring human flesh, or wearing that flesh as clothing. Between the acts of Jeffrey Dahmer and Ed Gein at least 19 people lost their lives in some of the most brutal ways imaginable.

2. The House on the Rock
For years people have been stopping by this tourist trap about halfway between Minneapolis and Chicago, and for years they have been confused, frightened, and ultimately demanding their money back. Charging $30 to see rooms full of fake antiques, instruments that don’t really play themselves, and tacky knick knacks  is worthy of more than a little hate.

3. The Beer
New Glarus makes some of the best beer in the country, but only sells it in Wisconsin. Meanwhile, we get inundated with Miller, Milwaukee’s Best, La Crosse Lager, and the may varieties of “weiss” put out by Leinenkugels. Sorry Leine’s, but it isn’t beer if it is only quaffable with fruit.

4. Bud Selig
He tried to contract the Twins, tied the All Star game, and caused the pre-mature end to one of the best baseball season’s ever along with Kent Hrbek’s career, and let steroid use run rampant. And what qualified him to do all this? Owning one of the worst teams (the Milwaukee Brewers) in baseball history.

5.  Milwaukee’s left exit ramps
If you have driven through Milwaukee, and didn’t instantly pass out due to the horrible smell, you probably noticed that many exit and entrance ramps are on the left side of the free way. Who thought it was a good idea to put slowing merging traffic directly in the “fast lane”? Coupled with Wisconsin’s nation leading drunk driving rate, you’d be safer avoiding the state altogether. And seriously Milwaukee, you aren’t a city of 18 million people. You have no excuse for this:

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6. The Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod
The folks that brought you Michelle Bachman believe that women should hold no positions superior to men, strict creationism, and that the pope is the anti-christ. I guess I’ll be seeing you in hell?

7. Latrell Sprewell
In addition to the multiple choking incidents, his notoriously bad attitude, and a complete waste of legitimate talent, there is his complete wast of money. While refusing to sign a contract that wasn’t up to his bloated standards, he went bankrupt, had his yacht repossessed, and was sued for $200 million. I’ve never been offered $7 million to play a kids game, but if I was in serious financial trouble, I think I’d take the offer.

8. Kaeto Kaelin
The famous house guest from the OJ Simpson trial may be more responsible than anyone for the phenomenon of people who are famous because they are famous. Thankfully, Kaelin didn’t extend his 15 minutes of fame, having failed as a talk show host, reality TV contestant, actor, public speaker, and at life.

9. Aldrich Ames
The convicted spy single handedly set back US intelligence several years, betraying the identity of many US spies, and leading to at least 10 deaths and the compromise of more than 100 US intelligence operations. And no, he didn’t show any remorse when he was convicted.

10. Joe McCarthy
The father of the “red scare,” he accused his enemies of being communist, and used the national paranoia that he caused for his own political gain. He was eventually disgraced and censured. At least his reign of terror resulted in a pretty good R.E.M. song.

Still hateable but not making this list: The Bodeans, Steve Miller, the cast of “Step by Step”, Sam Okey, Dick Bennet, Bo Ryan, Rashard Griffith, “On Wisconsin” and many, many more.

So why do you hate Wisconsin?

Related posts:

1. Barn Blurbs 3/2/09
2. Winning at Wisconsin won’t be easy
3. Barn Blurbs for 1/28/09
4. Pre-game Reading: #17 Minnesota vs. Wisconsin
5. On 3/5/09 Barn Blurbs is Westbrooked

Tags: Wisconsin Badgers