Save the season in six simple steps!

Posted on 21. Feb, 2009 by JF in 2008-2009

No it won’t be that easy, and the title has a whole lot more to with its alliterative qualities than salvaging a season that is rapidly taking on water and in danger of sinking like every other team from this state.

If you don’t remember 2003, consider yourself lucky. If you like visiting Fort Snelling, Murphy’s Landing, or the University of Minnesota’s own Gibbs Farms, then you might be in luck and get to see the historical reenactors known as the Golden Gophers dig deep and head to the NIT. That 2003 team at one point held an overall record of 16-7 and was 8-4 in the Big Ten. They didn’t win another conference game and bombed out of the NIT with losses in the semi-finals and the third place game. Most Gopher fans felt downright Munchian.

There are two widely accepted interpretations of the meaning behind this Norwegian masterwork. The first is the most obvious, that the blurred faced figure is screaming out in agony. Any one who has followed the Gophers for any length of time knows this feeling, and has made a similar face twice a week for the last month or so. The other widely held interpretation is that the figure is actually covering his ears in an effort to protect himself from a scream of nature, and that with no escape possible, the only logical act is to agonizingly attempt to protect one’s self. While screaming (figuratively, its been more eye rolling and sighing lately) at the TV has been common, I relate to the second interpretation much more. I can’t escape being a Gopher fan, as much as I would like to at times, so all I can do is try to protect myself from what can not be escaped, namely, the late season collapse. I fully accept that excruciating late season melt-downs are karmic pay-back for good schools, gorgeous lakes, and a high quality of life, but I don’t have to like it.

For Minnesota sports fans, the only protection from that scream of nature is to second guess and hope for the best, even if it means staring defeat and failure in the eye, and inevitably blinking first. When the first Norwegians travelled across the plains in search of a better life, they must have hoped freezing winter after freezing winter and blazing summer after blazing summer that the weather would improve. They surely must have second guessed whoever decided they should settle here. They never left though, and Gopher fans haven’t either.

So in the spirit of our steadfast yet skeptical forbears, I give you six steps to save the season. They might not work, and we probably won’t see them. At this point, the average fan has as much control over the destiny of this season as those Norwegian bachelor farmers did over the weather. However, as anyone walking down Nicollet Mall (at least between 12th and 8th streets) will tell you, things did turn out ok, and they will for this team, at least next year.

This season isn’t a complete bust, at least not yet. The mid-majors are down, and very few of the bubble teams are playing like they want to make the NCAA tournament. The Big Ten is a mess in the middle, and depending on how Sunday’s games go the Gophers could find themselves back in fifth place in the conference standings. If things stay the same, it isn’t going to matter. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and necessity is the mother of invention. Mixed metaphors aside, here are six desperate inventions that at worst won’t make the Gophers look worse during their final four games.

1. Press and trap every possession. Northwestern isn’t very athletic and Wisconsin looked plain silly trying to bring the ball up the court. Michigan showed that their five-out offense can pick Minnesota’s offense apart. The only team this might not work against is Illinois, but that may be a lost cause anyway. At the very least, pressing would create easy baskets and create the potential for mistakes by teams that like to slow the game down.

2. Run the Gopher offense and no, not the offense that the Gophers have been running lately (which is what exactly?). Like their animal namesake, the Gophers should sprint down the court and attack the basket before the defense has a chance to get set up. Northwestern and Michigan run the dreaded 1-3-1 zone. Illinois and Wisconsin play a more than proficient half court defense. The longer the Gophers have the ball on offense the worse they look, so why not limit the time of possession as much as possible. Run down and go for the quick lay-up. If they miss, at least the wasted possession will be over faster.

3. Use the depth. Steps one and two should logically lead to step number three. Tubby Smith’s rotation and substitution patterns have been excruciating to watch, but they have kept the entire team fresh. No Gopher averages more than 27 minutes per game. With so many pairs of fresh legs, there is no reason to play slow. Doing so gives the more fatigued teams a chance to catch their breath.

4. Substitute based on fatigue and match-ups, not mistakes. The Gophers are playing afraid, not necessarily of losing, but of sitting on the bench if they make a mistake. If one of their better players makes a mistake and gets benched in favor or a worse player, that worse player is still going to be worse than that mistake prone player with more skill. Tubby Smith needs to make it clear that there will be no benching based on mistakes. This should put the team’s fragile psyche somewhat at ease, if it isn’t too late.

5. Go inside. The perimeter oriented offense is a bust. Ralph Sampson III and Colton Iverson are by far the best offensive options that the Gophers have, at least in terms of shooting percentage. They might even draw a foul.

6. Get the crowd involved. Things look very bleak for Gopher fans. They have seen this before, year after year, and need a reason to believe that this year is different. The team needs to show emotion. Tubby Smith needs to yell at the crowd and go ballistic at a referee. The Gophers need to show us they want it. A good place to start would be to set up an alley-oop or a back door cut for a big dunk. Any more slow starts and Williams Arena will make the Target Center seem lively.

Tags: 2002-2003, Colton Iverson, Illinois Fighting Illini, Michigan Wolverines, Wisconsin Badgers